In a society where women are emancipated in the workforce comes the burden of fulfilling multiple responsibilities, and the perceived failure to do so may put women under unnecessary stress and pressure. Dealing with this can be difficult, so here are a few points that modern mothers can ponder on.
The Supermom: An Operational Definition
Coined by Becky Kopitzke, the Supermom is known to be the most idealistic, superhuman version of a mother — juggling a thriving career or business, household responsibilities, and community involvement perfectly.
The supermom always looks put together, cooks delicious food, cleans and fixes things in the house instantly, and raises well-behaved children. On top of these, she also excels in the workplace or in her own company, and still has time for personal advocacies.
And while there are modern mothers who miraculously do all of the things that society expects of them, there are some who just cannot — and it's not because of laziness or not being enough. There are many factors at play regarding why a mother can only do so much, and why this is completely understandable.
1. Not every mom has the luxury of time
While there are those who have a lot of time on their hands, some mothers are more occupied doing some things than others. Mothers who work a 9 to 5 job typically don't have the same number of hours to spend in a day as the mothers who run their own businesses and have employees closing deals and running transactions on their behalf.
Meanwhile, stay-at-home mothers who have helpers at home have more time to spend on their community involvement or advocacies than those who do all the household chores by themselves. Mothers don't have to stretch themselves thin and wear themselves out by squeezing every task and pursuit of theirs into a limited amount of time. Only do what you can do in a day — you're doing better than you realize.
2. Some mothers are more skilled than others — but it doesn't mean that one is better than the other
There are mothers that have only recently learned cooking and washing the clothes just for their families, while there are those who have been making different types of dishes all their lives and doing laundry systematically as they were growing up. Just like anyone, every mother is allowed room for growth and learning — skills aren't learned in one go, after all.
It's tempting to compare a mother who doesn't sweat about childrearing and finishing chores to the ones who panic and worry while trying their hardest to fulfill their duties. But this doesn't automatically mean that the calm, well put together mother is better – she just so happened to have the needed skills to execute the tasks she has at hand. Remember that the mother who tries her best is the best mother for her children.
3. Mothers also deal with financial constraints
Especially in a post-pandemic era where everyone is picking up whatever's left in the rubble and rebuilding their businesses and careers, mothers are also dealing with financial troubles apart from taking care of their children and fulfilling other responsibilities at home.
Money matters can be a sensitive topic to some people, so it's best to extend a great deal of understanding especially to single mothers or breadwinning mothers who are struggling to make ends meet for their families. It's also best to avoid comparisons of single, breadwinning mothers to mothers with bigger financial safety nets.
4. There are mothers out there dealing with mental health issues
Mothers, as amazing and resilient as they are, can also be vulnerable to mental health concerns. Mothers who had just given birth typically undergo postpartum depression, and might even feel the need to instantly go back to their pre-pregnancy weight.
What we must never do is make fun of or ridicule a mother's weight, especially when they've just given birth. They might develop eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, or avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (also known as ARFID), among others.
What We Can Do To Support Mothers
Our mothers express their love to us in their own unique ways, and to return this favor, there are many things we can note, observe, and tell the mothers around us to make them feel valued, appreciated, and cared for. Among these things are in the list below.
1. Have realistic expectations
It's important for us to stop expecting our mothers to be supermoms, doing everything for us while juggling their entrepreneurial or employee lives, as well as their hobbies or passions outside of home and the workplace. If they fail to do certain tasks, don't berate them or hurl insults at them; instead, be understanding and tell them that it's alright if they don't finish a particular task or forget to run an errand.
2. Assure your mothers and validate them
Mothers need assurance and validation from time to time too, as much as they know that they have responsibilities and obligations that they have to accomplish by default. As children, we can give them whatever type of love language they prefer: be it physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, or quality time.
3. Lighten their load and take some of the burden
Mothers deserve to take some of that load off, and we'll need to be willing to carry that load for them. We can offer to do some chores for them or help them out with office work or business transactions, especially if we see them struggling already. Little efforts like these matter to our mothers more than we realize.
What Every Mother Should Know
While it's great to chase after your pursuits while taking care of your home and helping out in your community too, it's always good to take a step back, have a breather, and stop what you're doing when you need to. As much as you're allowed to take up space in society, you can also use some space to yourself for resting, reflecting, and basking in periods of stillness to realign yourself with your long-term goals and more importantly, to spend some quality time with yourself too.