Have you ever had an argument with your spouse and realized how toxic it was? Worse, have you seen a toxic habit get passed down to your child because he or she sees it in the family? If you haven’t, you’re lucky but you should still be cautious. If you have, you should take action as early as you can. Keep reading to learn more about toxic family habits that may be troubling your family.
The unpleasant traits in your family often stem from how you were raised as a child. They could be effects of generational trauma that was passed down to you, unintentionally or not, by your own parents. Now, it’s up to you to decide whether those traits get passed down to your own child too.
However, unpleasant traits can also come from people you interact with outside your family. You will have to reevaluate your ties with those people and think if they are worth keeping in your life.
Nevertheless, the first step is identifying the problem. Sit down and calmly think about toxic behaviors you see but often ignore in the family. If you want, you can do this with your spouse because it’s hard to recognize bad behaviors while still entrenched in them.
1) Setting Unrealistic Standards
In a highly competitive world, parents often expect their children to perform way beyond their current abilities. Given with unrealistic expectations, children may develop anxiety, poor self-esteem, or other mental health issues in the long run. They eventually feel bad about themselves for not being who they are expected to be.
Similarly, couples who set unrealistic standards for each other may breed a dysfunctional relationship that is secretive and manipulative. As parents, they may even channel their frustrations to their children by making them achieve impossible goals too.
2) Disciplining Out of Anger and Fear
It has been proven that children are not effectively disciplined with anger and fear. They do not learn when they are afraid and distressed. Harsh punishments create a distance between the parent and the child which consequently decreases the quality of relationships in the family.
Couples must also be more considerate when correcting each other’s mistakes. The way you handle conflicts with your partner determines how well you can maintain a great family grounded in respect instead of fear.
3) Constantly Neglecting Promises
Do you ever wonder how your child felt when you promised to play together tomorrow then you reschedule it for the next day until you finally forget you ever made that promise? As a working parent, you have too much on your plate that you don’t even have time for yourself. That’s understandable! That’s why you should be careful when making promises to your child or even your spouse.
Only make promises that you can show up for. Otherwise, your child or spouse will eventually feel unimportant and neglected. Eventually, this can damage your relationships with them.
4) Being Overly Lenient
There is a fine line between giving your child everything they need and overindulging them with everything they want. It’s great to be responsive to your child’s needs but parents should also learn when to say no. This teaches your child to have self-control and to work for the things they want.
Setting regulations in the family can also allow your child and even your spouse to respect boundaries. They won’t always get what they want.
5) Giving Silent Treatment
Silence can be an opportunity to reflect on one’s mistakes but it becomes an emotional punishment when prolonged for hours, days, or months. It makes a person overthink what they did wrong without having a clue.
A child may not immediately recognize silent treatment but its effect on their mind is significant. They will first try to escalate their behavior to get attention. As they grow, they will start doing desperate things just to get attention. This is similar to adults too.
6) Gaslighting
Conflicts and arguments inevitably become common in a growing family. When two parties fail to reach an agreement, gaslighting may occur. It is often unrecognizable but it’s crucial to spot before it becomes a habit.
Gaslighting happens when one person invalidates another person’s feelings and experiences. One example includes calling someone overly sensitive for feeling bad on what was done to him or her. In the dynamics of a family, parents must teach their children to acknowledge everyone’s feelings. Everyone should know when to take responsibility for their actions by owning up to a mistake.
7) Playing the Blame Game
To play the blame game means to place the blame on someone else despite knowing that you did something wrong. It may stem from a fear of rejection or shame. More importantly, it can manifest through refusing to say sorry.
Learning when to take the blame and apologize strengthens relationships in the family. Children who are taught the value of apologizing grow up to be responsible and resilient adults. Similarly, for parents, learning when to say sorry improves their trust and understanding for each other. This helps them attain a long and healthy relationship that values repair and empathy.
However, apologies must be said with sincerity and intention to not repeat the mistake. A family should work together in helping each other reflect and repent. Only then can the word “sorry” achieve its true sense.
Why You Should Detoxify
Nobody wants to talk about toxic habits at the start of the year. Everyone has shortcomings and everyone tries to improve at their own pace. No one (hopefully) would blame you if you take your time to heal from whatever caused a toxic behavior.
But you have a family now. It’s no longer just about you because your behavior affects your spouse and children. It may not be the most pleasant thing to do but eliminating toxic family habits early may be the most liberating thing you can do for your family this 2022.